Author: Tom

Categories
Craft

But Do You Love It More Than Showers?

Listen, just you and me now, some real talk about this industry of writing and publishing fiction. This is not about why you should write; it’s about WHY YOU ARE WRITING.

I had an author friend of mine, many years ago say “You have to love it more than showers.” And people teased her for saying that. She didn’t mean it literally, obviously it’s a metaphor.

But it underscores a very, very important truth that I want all of you to grasp and understand and inhabit:

You have to love this if you want to do it on a professional level.

(This is my lived reality, yours may be very different.)

The reality is you do have to love this. You have to make this your life ambition. If you can see yourself doing something else for 40 hours a week or more, then you should probably go do that thing.

Golf or macrame or surfing or sewing or walking dogs or doing comic books or playing fucking role playing games or video games or talking about science or…

The thing that you get up in the morning and say, oh, I get to go do this. That is the thing you should pursue. If that thing isn’t writing, if that thing isn’t publishing, if that thing isn’t going indie or going trad or trying to do a hybrid, then…

Don’t.

I’ve said this in multiple ways on multiple platforms and I’m going to keep banging this drum because fundamentally my goal at FictionMentor isn’t necessarily for you to write the best book you can. (We will talk about that. I will make videos and I will post blogs and I will do all that shit to help you write the best book you can. Absolutely. I want you to do that.)

But I only want you to do it in the context of, is there something else you want to be doing? Because if there is, go fucking do that. I give you permission to go pursue the thing you want.

Because my brothers and sisters, this is the only shot you get. This is your only life. And what I do not want to see is you spending a year or two years or 10 years or 50 years on this fucking 10-book fucking series or whatever. And it never goes anywhere and it just sits on your hard drive. You never try to do anything with it. Or if you do, it just fails completely because your metric for success wasn’t met (which is a completely different topic).

And now what? Like, if that was time you could have spent playing tennis and that’s what really revs your engine, then go play tennis. Go do that.

The thing about “you have to love it more than showers,” again, metaphorically here, is that is the level of commitment that it takes to make this work…based on your metric of success.

That’s the other thing that we need to talk about. What is your metric of success? I’m only just now figuring mine. After decades of doing the work, I’m just now starting to piece it together. What do you actually want from this? Is using finance the best way to gauge whether a project is successful or not? Because maybe it’s not.

Maybe my only metric for this particular project is did I like it? Did I have fun doing it?

Let’s pretend I get an unseemly amount of money for a licensing deal. Cool. You know what I’m gonna do tomorrow?

Write a book.

Because I love it more than showers.

Published author asks, if you can do something else, should you?

Because that is fundamentally who I am. It is my identity. It’s who I’ve always been. That’s who I’m always gonna be. I’m gonna be a storyteller. I don’t have to worry about whether it sells or not.

I’m not necessarily saying that you have to have that level of commitment or that you’re that in love with the craft, but, man, if you don’t, why are you doing it?

If you don’t love it, if it’s not motivating you, if the love of the craft, if the love of the story isn’t motivating you, then I would have a serious sit-down with yourself and make sure you’re not hiding from some other thing that will be more fulfilling for you.

I never want to dissuade people from writing. What I want to encourage, rather, is that you are serious and honest with yourself about writing and storytelling, and that you’re doing it in a way that brings you joy and fulfillment, because that may be the only thing you get out of it.

I have all kinds of, what they call trunk novels. They’re books that I’ve written that are locked away forever. They will never see the light of day. But I enjoyed doing them, and they brought me joy. And that was not wasted time.

The point of this conversation is that I do not want you to waste time.

I don’t get to decide, though, what wasting time looks like. That is up to you to determine.

I very rarely wasted time writing. There are exceptions, but for the most part, every word I’ve ever written, I’ve enjoyed doing it, and I’ve gotten joy from it. I just want you to set your goals, your expectations, and your metrics for success and then decide if you’re meeting them or not. And if you’re not, is it time to look for something else? Is it time to do something that’s more fulfilling?

I don’t know. I’m not being prescriptive. That is up for you to decide. Take care. And, of course, keep writing.

If you want to.

Get 52 weekly emails over the course of a year diving into the art, business, and craft of writing and publishing fiction at https://pxllnk.co/52fm

Categories
Craft Fiction notes

Date Night

“Date Night” Scenes: Why Calm Moments Matter (And Why They’re Not the Plot)

I had an instructor once tell me: “Make sure your protagonist has a date night.”

That’s a metaphor, obviously. What this instructor meant was: it’s okay—even good—to give your protagonist some downtime on the page. Let us see them loving and being loved. Let us see them in their natural habitat, so to speak. Let us see them happy for a little bit. Let us see what “normal” looks like.

One of the great reasons to include at least one scene like that is that it raises the stakes of the story problem.

That’s what we want.

If your protagonist goes on a metaphorical date night, where things are calm and good and we can see them relaxing, what does that do for the reader?

Hopefully it immediately sends up a flare: uh-oh, something bad is about to happen.

And also: uh-oh, if the plot isn’t resolved in the protagonist’s favor, this is what they stand to lose.

The stakes go up.

This is true no matter what genre you’re working in—spy thriller, cozy mystery, Regency romance, you name it. Fill in the blank. Giving your character a few pages to relax and get their wits about them lets us see, on the page, not just as narration, what they stand to lose if things don’t go well.

But that “date night” scene isn’t the plot. It’s not the engine. It’s the contrast that makes the engine hit harder.

And if the rest of the book is also a date night? If the whole story is just vibes and pleasant conversation and everyone getting along?

Then you don’t have “character-driven.” You have “nothing-driven.”

*

Get a full year of tips on not just writing, but living the life of an author.

52 emails. 1 email each week.

pxllnk.to/52

Categories
Uncategorized

Writers: Lower Your Bar (for now)

Get 52 weekly emails to help you craft the writing life you want: pxllnk.co/52fm

This might not sound like writing advice. It is.

 

The world feels like it’s falling apart. You’re not imagining it. For those of us alive right now, this is hard. “Unprecedented” may be overused, but for us—for our nervous systems—this is unprecedented.

Yes, the world has seen worse. But that doesn’t make this easy.

So if you’re struggling, I get it. I see you. I hear you. I’m in the same boat.

Right now I have:

  • A physical therapist for the physical symptoms.
  • A therapist for the emotional ones.
  • And a little container of anti-anxiety meds I try not to take—but absolutely do when I need them.

It’s been one of those years.

What’s helped me, and what I hope might help you, is this:

Lower the bar.

I say this as someone who, a few years ago, completed a 13½-hour physical crucible coached by retired Navy SEALs. Incredible experience. Highly recommended. It changed my perspective on life.

But that was five years ago.

I’m older now. My metrics have changed. And honestly? My nervous system is fried. I’m willing to bet yours is too.

 

What a “Win” Looks Like

I’m lucky to live near walking trails. Most days, I throw on a 20-pound backpack and walk hills for 40–45 minutes. It’s called rucking.

About halfway through, I say out loud:

“If this is all you get done today, that’s a win.”

Even if I go home and watch Gilmore Girls reruns the rest of the day—getting up, strapping on 20 pounds, and climbing hills for 40 minutes is a win.

And I take it.

 

Usually, that’s not the only win.

I’ll come home and make breakfast:

  • Scrambled eggs with sautéed kale or red cabbage
  • Salt, butter, avocado
  • Turmeric, black pepper, red pepper, a little Tabasco
  • Blueberries with ground golden flaxseed and cinnamon
  • Sugar-free oat milk and decaf coffee

 

That’s a damn good breakfast. If my day ends there? Still a win.

Then I might go to my office and work on my novel.

This novel I’m working on right now has been kicking my ass. We’ll unpack that another time. But if I write 250 words—one double-spaced page—that’s a win.

If I stop there?

Three wins for the day.

That’s not nothing.

 

Change Your Metrics

We’re trying to create while the world feels apocalyptic. That’s not normal. So why are we holding ourselves to normal-season metrics?

Goals matter. I believe that deeply. But your goals need to be kind to your nervous system.

In a strong season, I can write:

  • 1,000 words
  • 2,000 words
  • Even 5,000-word days

Right now?

My goal is one solid page.

If I exceed it? Amazing. If not? Still a win.

Because “5,000 words or you’re a failure” doesn’t motivate me right now. It crushes me. It crushes my spirit and my nervous system.

So I set goals that are attainable and humane. Goals that are KIND to myself.

For some of you, a win might be:

  • Getting out of bed.
  • Going outside.
  • Checking the mail.

That counts.

 

Real Life Intrudes (You Can’t Silo It)

Again, this might not sound like writing advice. It is.

Writers often pretend we can silo our lives from our creative work. We can’t.

Have a bad day at your (even good) job? Try writing afterward.

Have tension with your partner, your kids, your parents? Try creating after that.

It’s harder. Of course it is.

You’re not a writer only during “writing hours.” You’re a creator 24/7. Real life intrudes. Doomscrolling intrudes. News intrudes. Stress intrudes.

When I doomscroll (and I do), that stuff gets into my brain and bloodstream. It robs me of the work.

So one of my goals is:

Don’t go on social media.

Yes, you might be reading this on social media. But I use schedulers whenever possible so I don’t have to log in. If I go a full day without scrolling?

That’s a win.

And I give myself full credit.

 

Stack the Wins

Here’s the core idea:

  1. Lower the bar to something humane.
  2. Define what a real win looks like for you TODAY.
  3. When you hit it, give yourself full credit.
  4. Stack those wins.

Stacked wins stabilize your nervous system. They build momentum. They remind you that you’re not powerless.

This season isn’t about domination. It’s about sustainability.

 

Your Work Still Matters

Let me say something clearly:

Your story matters.

Your words matter.

Your art matters.

 

Someone out there needs your work.

And even if no one else did—you need it.

The work probably brings you peace, or meaning, or a sense of agency. That alone makes it worth doing.

We’ll talk about money. We’ll talk about professional strategy. We’ll talk about publishing mechanics.

But right now?

Just do the work.

Lower the bar.
Stack the wins.
Protect your nervous system.
Create anyway.

 

May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful and at ease.

 

And if you need to rant? The comments are open at facebook.com/fictionmentor.

 

Categories
Uncategorized

Life Happens. It’s not always “writer’s block.”

Writing and Life: Why They’re Inseparable for Authors

We can’t talk about being an author without talking about life.

You’re not a writer just between 6 a.m. and 7 a.m., hammering out words before the kids wake up. Or between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m., stealing time after your partner goes to bed.

You’re a writer 24/7.

Every moment of every day, you’re soaking in experiences, emotions, and observations, all of which might eventually fuel your stories. Writing doesn’t live in a box—it’s interwoven with life itself.

At FictionMentor.com, this philosophy has been a cornerstone since day one. Sure, there’s no shortage of books and courses out there focused on the craft of writing. Many are excellent, and I recommend them often. But here’s the problem: when we hyper-focus on craft, we risk divorcing writing from two essential aspects of the journey:

  1. The business of being an author.
  2. The life that fuels creativity.

This separation does a disservice to us as creators. Life is messy, chaotic, and unpredictable. And it’s that very chaos that fuels creativity. Trying to isolate your writing from the rest of your life—to protect it or keep it “pure”—is not only unrealistic, it’s counterproductive.

Writer’s Block vs. Life

I’ve often said that writer’s block is a myth. It’s our job to keep writing, to push through, to figure it out. But there’s an important distinction to make:

  • Writer’s block is when you’re stuck on what happens next in your story.
  • “I can’t do this right now” is when life gets in the way—temporarily or permanently.

These are two very different things.

I’ve seen this play out in my own life and in the lives of my author friends. One friend, who achieved incredible success with multiple bestselling books, hit a point where he just stopped writing.

Not because he didn’t have ideas. Not because he didn’t have the skill. But because he was done.

Writing wasn’t serving him anymore, and he stepped away. On one hand, it’s heartbreaking. On the other, if he’s happier and healthier now, then that’s good.

Another friend has been wrestling with a book in a genre that isn’t “hot” in the current market. She’s deeply frustrated with the process and the industry. Some days, she’s at peace with taking a step back. Other days, she’s overwhelmed by a sense of loss.

This isn’t writer’s block. This is life.

Writing and Life Balance for Authors

Accidents happen. Illnesses happen. Relationships shift. Jobs change. Life throws curveballs all the time. And sometimes, it makes writing feel impossible. When that happens, it’s okay to take a break.

If you find yourself questioning not just your writing but your worth as a human being because of setbacks, please step back. Seek help if you need it. Reassess. Take time to heal. Nothing is worth sacrificing your mental health or your safety—not even your art.

(“Tortured artist” is another bullshit myth that needs killing.)

The stories you want to tell are important, but you are more important. We need your voice, but we also need you to be healthy enough to share it.

The Stress of Passion

I spent 22 years in theater, 16 of those running my own companies. It was stressful—juggling rehearsals, budgets, ticket sales, marketing, and actor drama. We weren’t often getting paid, and we poured our own money into productions, praying each show would fund the next one.

Me, in “An Impending Rupture of the Belly” with Stray Cat Theatre in Phoenix.

But here’s the thing: I loved it.

That stress, while intense, was good stress. It was the kind of challenge you take on willingly because you love what you do.

Writing is the same. It can be stressful—agonizing over the craft, worrying about industry trends, or questioning your skill level—but most of the time, that stress is what fuels your passion.

But sometimes, that stress crosses a line into being unhealthy. When that happens, you need to recognize it and step back. Nothing—not deadlines, not the dream of publishing, not your own expectations—is worth your health.

Keep Writing… When You’re Ready

If you’re frustrated with a plot hole or stuck on a character arc, that’s the kind of “writer’s block” you can push through with time, effort, and maybe some brainstorming with fellow writers. That’s part of the process.

But if you’re feeling crushed by the weight of life, the industry, or your own expectations, take a break. Regroup. Come back when you’re ready.

We need your stories. But more importantly, we need you. Healthy, whole, and ready to share your unique voice with the world.

Remember: you’re not just a writer during your designated writing hours. You’re a writer all the time, living a life rich with experiences that fuel your creativity. So live your life. Let it be messy and beautiful and chaotic. And when you’re ready, bring it back to the page.

Let’s keep the conversation going. What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to balancing writing and life? Drop a comment or connect with me on social media—I’d love to hear from you.